vineta

Part 4

I have a lot of TD prompts myself but never have time（or confidence）to write it. But I really like the idea of the taillight-repairing scene of Marty ;)

I like your opinion that Marty realizes what he really needs when holding Rust in Carcosa! He finds his real self, like Rust does. I think Carcosa is a revelation for both of them, the answer of the question they keeps seeking. and I also like you said Marty has outgrown his boyish insecurity and finally recognize himself.What's interesting is, no matter how Marty thought he was different from Rust before, now they are quite in the same way. Only when Marty loses all he has and leaves what was imposed on him( by his parents,others, or the surroundings ) is he able to get mature.I believe Rust understands him of that, so he can trust him with their task (unlike in 2002, he did the investigation all by himself) and accepts Marty into his own space. 

In fact, I'm always wondering Rust's attitute of romance,intimacy,and his sexuality. I really doubt if he's totally heterosexual. ( I bet there must be some rumors of Rust's sexuality in the CID office, so Marty thinks it's necessary to match him with a woman) I also agree with you that Ginger wasn't his option in the undercover( though I always feel guilty of having dirty illusions of it -_-|| If they had something,it would merely be Crash using Ginger purposefully. ) and I like your opinion that Rust is aware of Marty's attracion on him all the time.(But it would be sad if it's true...) At least, Marty is a special partner to him, more close than anyone else.And if I can say, he's Rust's link to the "normal" world, especially in '95 - he plays an important role in helping Rust back to the sociaty.

And yes Rust's possessiveness of Marty is so true : ) Look at his handsy touches and always narrowing the space between them unnecessarily.In the hospital Rust just calms Marty down with one touch( and I'm so curious ,why?) and he glances at Maggie like "I take over him now" 😀 In fact, there's a strange intimacy between them through out the whole 1995 scenes,a strong tension of rejecting and attracting at the same time. ( I won't be surprised if something really happened between them then - the energy between them is so strong and they're both in an unsteady state...)

You've made such a careful analysis of the car scene of ep8,I have nothing to add.It's obvious that Marty is aware what obssessed him most lies more between Rust and him than Rust and Maggie, now he confirms it's NOT Rust who betrayed him, that somehow resolves the knot inside. And I believe Rust is nervous as much as Marty - Marty and the fight is always in his mind (consider the broken taillight)and he always bears the burden of guilt.He's worrying Marty's reaction ("I reckon it was best to avoid her name")

(I also love the scene when Marty says "high praise from a bartender"and Rust raises his cigarette.  Marty concerns of Rust's judgement so much and he's so proud of Rust's praise.)

Right,I believe Rust is very serious for love and intimate relationships with others,even stubborn and clumsy to express his emotion.He can't stand disguise and falsity.But in the other hand, all his nihilism amd cynicism is an armour to protect his soft inside.I still can't understand why he can stay with Laurie for so long, given the fact he's already aware of what she wants.Maybe he just wants to try a superficial relationship like other "normal"people does (that's to say,like Marty;) ( Anyway,I think this is a bug in the plot, almost out of his character.) for this meaning, Marty is the best mate of him. they both have seen the worst of each other and go through most of their turn-point in life together. They can be the truest selves with each other.And I like your opinion that Rust has found his influence (or attraction) on Marty and forcasted the potentiality between them.(that Marty is so compliant with his touches and words, first time in the locker room, and in Maggie's hospital - yes it's like Marty's waiting for Rust's touch - and in all the covert actions with him.}I think he has thought a lot about their relationship too, in their collaboration after reunion, and then in the hospital.He has seen the fact that they need each other,and that'll be RIGHT,(maybe the best thing he can do in so many years).

And yes,I have the some feeling that Rust likes Marty to challenge his judgement. Actually, he respects Marty's opinion even more than Marty's aware of it, and needs Marty's practical views to balance himself. Rust is outstanding in intelligence, but I like to see them in a equal place. Like he says"without me there's no you",in fact, they both need each other,and I believe Rust realizes this all the time, especially after 2012.(I'm quite glad it's Marty who finds the breakthrough to find Childress too - people usually forget he's a good detective too.)

You just remind me of the question I'm always wondering - Marty's attitude of religion.When watching the show, he just gives me a feeling of an ostensible believer,especially in '95. I'm surprised that Maggie says he used to find religious for a while, because I really can't imagine him as a devout Christian.It's so interesting and I'm curious, when does he turn to religion? And why? Would he go to the church with Maggie and the girls every Sunday? (I don't think so because Maggie doesn't like that and prefers the Marty with sense of humor before, I appreciate her for that).

I've written in my fic that Marty inherits the religious ideas from his own family.His parents are Christians but his father gave up his faith when came back from the war.When Marty's a boy, his father was strict to him but occationally said something profane himself,that confused Marty a lot.So when Marty grows up, he always has a contradictary attitute to religion.2002 is a culmination of his middlelife crisis and he feels so hollow,both in work and his family.Then he meets Beth,a girl who can fill him with her body and soothe him with her religion. (she says "God gives us these flawes,but I learned he doesn't see them as flaws.There's nothing wrong with the way he made us." - I think that's an important reason she can get him. And in 2012 Marty says "she had some problem"... I've thought a lot about Beth too and wrote something for her,maybe I'll talk about it next time.)

I like your idea that Marty turns to religion because he's lack of awareness and direction of himself.And I'm also interested in what he feels after reuniting with Rust,and after Carcosa.I'll love to hear your opinion: )

I'm so agree that Marty may meditate on the world views of himself. and I'm absolutely with you,that maybe he should change himself from church doctrine to personal belief, or entirely get out of that, or he would upset with what's between him and Rust, and his truest self.( I even imagine they would move to another state after the Carcosa case which stirs the whole place.They would suffer from endless harrassment by the media.)

As for Beth,I wrote in my fic that she used to be a victim of sexual abuse by her uncle in her childhood( in the show the lady in the bunny ranch implies Beth's uncle had done something bad to her and she ran out from him),but her aunt,her uncle's wife, never helped her and even hated her for seducing her husband, so she had developed a distorted view of relationships between men and women.When she met Marty in 2002,she remembered him and liked him,so she purposelly seduced him and sent her photos to Marty to let his wife find it - she thought it's a "favor" to release Marty from a false marrige.She used to be close with Dora Lang and the dark had already influenced her.After Marty divorced, he's so frustrate and lost that went to her again, they got along for a while,but Marty soon found her prolem and left her.

(I got a comment on tumblr about the subjuect today, and I like it says the religion is a feel of nostalgia and memories of Marty's parents.In my fic Marty goes to the church with Beth in some Sundays, because it reminds him of the memories when he's a boy,sitting on the bench with his parents.)

Oh you're right! In that period of time Marty tends to use his religion to justify his behavior, to endow some "meaning"to his life(include his relationship with Beth). He's lost his direction and burying his head in self-deceiving.

And I like your idea that Marty would discuss about philosophy of life with Rust. I haven't read the original of twilight of the idols, but I believe Rust would be surprised Marty would talk about it : ) Actually, I don't think Marty is totally numb to the ultimate questions,and he has good insight of them too(like he talked to Papania and Gilbough) ,and Rust will like to exchange his views with Marty too.It would be a good subject to get close to each other. (Imagine they read and discuss about Nietzsche after supper while watching TV :)